“Then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.” Holy quran.
“When a servant of Allah marries, he has completed half of his religious obligations and he must fear Allah in order to complete the second half” Holy Prophet (SAW)
Ah!!! Controversy topic number 3!!!
Firstly polygamy is divided into two, one is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted and polyandry is completely prohibited.
Now for those thinking, “Hmmph, listen to this idiot, she’s not even married and she’s inviting Polygamy…” well, I’m not inviting it and neither am I saying its COMPULSORY BY ORDER OF ALLAH for all the man of the universe!!! That said, no one said it will be easy, even I don’t expect it to ever be if that is what Allah has chosen for me. That’s because women are naturally extremely emotional, easy to bruise, territorial, conniving, manipulative and excessively jealous. Ok so HEY, if you see it my way, I think it really is for our benefit!!!
My point here is, ORDAINED FOR THEM IT IS, THEIR ADVANTAGE IT IS NOT (maybe only that they have more then one women at least but that’s the only advantage for them)!
Islam is a phenomenal religion SubhanAllah. There is to date NO functional religion that gives women more respect, dignity and rights then the Quran does. In fact, if you ask me I think men have absolutely no rights in the Quran compare to that given to women. From protecting what is hers, her money/earnings (what she earns, receives or through inheritance gets, during, after or before marriage belongs to only her); to her father, her brothers, her husband, her sons to take care of her and her children always by law; to protecting her by way of Hijab and mahram (way of dressing and companionship); to retaining her identity by keeping her fathers name even after marriage; to allowing her to re marry after divorce or death of her husband; to ALLOWING her to leave an abusive marriage or for the simple reason that she doesn’t love him anymore by means of divorce! SubhanAllah the list is endless!!!!
To add to that list we have POLYGAMY! In today’s modern world the overall ratio of men to women is significantly low. We’re looking at approx 1:3!! Now mothers, sisters, daughters- lets imagine all the women in the world get married to one man each, where does that leave you when you are not one of those “chosen” women? Ok, now lets imagine that you are one of those chosen women, and that marriage doesn’t work and now you are divorced or widowed and have 2+ kids then what? You remain single for the rest of your life because a man is not willing to marry you and your baggage as his one and only wife so you live a single life, probably struggle to feed your children, society points fingers at you, you grow old lonely without companionship and you get into zinnah because for sure you are a human with needs… all because you cannot be a second wife????? Where is the sense in that? For those who see the sense, imagine that! Don’t you agree that it is for your advantage?
Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical, even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million more females in USA alone who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband.
Imagine this; I am a wife and mother of 3 children, I love my husband and am trying to live an Islamic life and raise my children with hope of them growing with a strong Iman. I know my husband- like many men out there loves women, loves to appreciate their beauty and at the back of my mind I may also know that he likes to indulge in this appreciation at times! Ya Allah this kills me, I don’t know what kind of women he indulges with. I don’t know what disease he may bring, it hurts me that he is with someone else and now it may affect the respect his children have for him and also affect their iman since a father is the role model of his children.
My stand has been against polygamy and I told him that if he ever married a second, I would leave him; now this is a man who doesn’t want to break his family and unfortunately (like many others) likes women and keeps one on the side, cannot marry her coz he’ll loose his family. Firstly, many women are like this lady they would rather leave then accept it, secondly, the fact is that polygyny is vehemently opposed by male dominated western and western influenced society because it would force men to fidelity. It would force them to take socio-econimoic responsibility for the fulfillment of their already polygynous desires and provide protection for women and children for mental and physical abuse.
Islam comes in strongly here, for the believing men who’s nature is like that of the man above, then Allah permits him to have the 2nd, 3rd and 4th wife if he will and then Allah goes on to command that he can only do so if he will cater for each of them equally, cater here meaning financially, emotionally, physically, intellectually etc. Now ladies, tell me how this does not benefit you, not only do you as the wife who will be aware of this union and not the wife who will be mocked as her husband has an illicit affair but also the woman he is marrying, as opposed to being a mistress or “woman on the side” Islam is the ONLY religion that has given her a way that she can posses dignity and social acceptance as supposed to humility and ridicule if she were to remain the “woman on the side”.
Ok, now lets imagine you cannot have children. You would prefer your husband divorces you and send you back to your parents so that he marries another for children? Again, Islam is the only religion that allows a woman the right to still remain married to her husband, still love him and he love her, still care for him and he care for her and at the same time permits that he can take a second wife. SubhanAllah!
A strong family structure is an absolute requirement for a strong and healthy society.
The Qur'an does not give preference in marrying more than one wife but allows it to make it easier on a woman that has no support and a wife that is barren.
Are you thinking, oh if it’s THAT great an idea then why has every other religion specified ONLY one marriage well my friend, did you know that the Quran is the ONLY religious book on the face of this earth that mentions “marry only one”? hmmm…? Well now you know. There is absolutely no restriction in any other scriptures, it is only later that the Christian and hindu priests restricted the marriages to one.
Now this is what I STRONGLY feel, many may not agree but these are my thought, my opinions; Notions of sex equality and romantic premarital ‘love’ are not necessary in Islamic marriage that is based on piety and the commitment on the part of both parents to win the pleasure of Almighty Allah. I think love, care, emotion and compassion is necessary thereafter however these feelings should not overcome you and allow you to forget our purpose in this life. This life that is a journey to please Allah, the life that is ONLY a journey for the destination which is the hereafter, one that we should all try and get through by the means set for us so that we may please our maker and meet him In sha Allah. How then can we let matters of duunyia affect us so much? The love for a man can make us sin tremendously towards Allah, the love for money, the love for land, the love for power and recognition!!!! It is because of this and it is this that will give me the strength to accept and be content with my marriage if at all my husband were to marry another.
“Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, ‘we believe’, and they will not be tested?” HQ 29:2
“If a woman says her prayers, fasts her month (Ramadhan), gaurds her private parts and obeys her husband, she may enter paradise by any door she chooses” Holy Prophet (SAW)
To finish off, polygamy is a complicated aspect of marriage in Islam in which the welfare of the community supersedes the desires of the individual.
Polygamy exists all over the world, but in Islam the second/third/fourth woman is treated with respect and is called a wife. In the western countries they are called girlfriends or mistresses and have no rights upon the man or their children!
Tests and pains both physical and emotional cannot be avoided nor can the aspect of Islamic system be negated merely to justify an individual’s or group’s opinions.
Although polygyny may be painful for some women, it is also beneficial for other women and society as a whole. Muslims must accept the whole of Allah’s meesage and submit to the fact that Allah’s wisdom is far more superior to our opinions.
Marriage in Islam is more then just a means of obtaining legal sex; it is an extremely important institution which safeguards the rights of women, men and children while satisfying the physical, emotional and intellectual needs of the family members.
If you are well read with the history of Islam or the Quran that covers it, you will be aware of the many women trough out the times who lived in the harshest of times, in abject poverty and even fought battles besides their men, women not influenced by the lure of the material world and who excelled within the Islamic bounds set for women. Yet today there are those who ask, what type of woman would marry a man who is already married, without considering that they need not go further then the wives of our holy prophet (SAW). Yes of course the standard reply is, “those were different times” Perhaps they are unaware that Allah’s law as contained in the final dispensation, Islam, are not bound by considerations of time or place, but stand applicable whenever circumstances permit.
"This day I have perfected your religion for you, completed My Favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islâm as your religion." Al- Maaidah:3
Sigh, that was a lot of brain function for me, I’ve been thinking like this for years and I’m glad I’ve put it down in words. I hope I made lots of sense. May Allah guide us, strengthen our iman and be pleased with the work of his servants. Ameen
“There are several other reasons, why Islam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women.” Dr. Zakir Naik
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